How do you write introduction copy that converts? (11 posts)

Topic tags: copywriting, salescopy
  • Profile picture of
    Exemplar
    Jason Wiser said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    I just received this auto response from a new LinkedIn connection:

    Thanks for adding me at LinkedIn, I have been doing some public speaking on ethics at universities, I so hope you will keep in touch, if you ever get a chance look at my web page. (right now I live in poverty, but I have made a few extra dollars doing the public speaking, if you get a chance, look at my link on public speaking and give me some feed back. It is great to meet you

    What feedback would you give this person?

    @jasonwiser | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Pacesetter
    Nichole Schlecht said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    @jasonwiser

    Change your auto response and don’t auto-respond if you’re looking to build real connections.

    @iamconsulting | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Exemplar
    Jason Wiser said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    @iamconsulting especially on LinkedIn. There are times that you might get away with it in Twitter, but not recommended. But without question, NEVER auto respond on LinkedIn. Do you see anything else about the copy itself that you could improve or advise against?

    @jasonwiser | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Club Leader
    Kristi Hines said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    @jasonwiser If they must auto-respond to people in the US, then they need to get someone who is a native English speaker & writer to edit their copy.  If I happened to work at a university, I would still delete this because I would presume their speaking skills were similar to their writing skills. I’m guessing the website (assuming the included a link) has the same type of copy.  

    @kristi-hines | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Exemplar
    Jason Wiser said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    @kristi-hines I’m hearing you. And interestingly, they didn’t include a link. I guess they assumed this compelling Intro would intrigue me enough to invest two more clicks to find it.

    Well the thing that really inspired me to open this topic was not the poor grammar, or the lonely parenthesis, but the plea. Business professionals use LinkedIn for qualified leads and business partners. They rely on peer endorsement to avoid throwing darts at Google when looking for employees, products, and services.  And I’m telling you, I will not endorse someone for public speaking whose Intro copy informs me that they are in poverty and have only made a few dollars at their craft. I imagine a guy on the street corner with a sign that says “Will speak for food”.

    When writing your copy, convey authority and knowledge without being haughty or arrogant, never advertise your weaknesses, and never, NEVER beg for work. 

    @jasonwiser | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Explorer
    Lynda Goldman – Copywriting said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    How sad. This person clearly has no business experience, and is unlikely to make any money until he gets more education and coaching. I probably would not bother to do anything, as I don’t think he would understand what you are saying anyway. Some cases are beyond the scope of anything you can do in a LinkedIn message.  

    @lyndagoldman-copywriting | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Club Leader
    Kristi Hines said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    @jasonwiser Oh, I thought you didn’t include the link here just to not help promote the guy any further.  

    Good point about conveying authority and knowledge though – he doesn’t do either in this piece.  I think the grammar / English hits me because I have noticed a lot of businesses targeting the US demographic that do not take the time to hire an English speaking writer for their sales copy, blog posts, or even their social media marketing campaigns.  

    @kristi-hines | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Exemplar
    Jason Wiser said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    In truth,  @lyndagoldman-copywriting  I had no intention to offer feedback or to contact the example person. But I think this dialogue is helpful for our club members.

    Thanks @kristi-hines for your contribution. We all know and respect your resume, do you have a good resource for us on this topic? Maybe a specific blog post on Copy 101 that you’d like to share?

    @jasonwiser | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Club Leader
    Kristi Hines said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    @jasonwiser I usually point beginners to this resource by Copyblogger.  :)

    http://www.copyblogger.com/copywriting-101/

    @kristi-hines | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Trailblazer
    Are Morch said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    Hi @jasonwiser

    In my niche I get this a lot. And it provides me with opportunities to teach them some LinkedIn skills. 

    Though the poverty pitch I actually experience more on Facebook. Got much better to tune out these messages now. Most of them was fake. 

    As I grow I experience more suspicious requests. So it is part of the learning process figuring out how to handle these types of responses as you mention here.

    @kristi-hines gave me some great advices on how to handle all those SEO requests.

    And no doubt that some of these requests are getting really clever. 

    This is why a forum like this is so awesome. You get great advice from authorities that gone through this process before you.

    BTW @kristi-hines thanks for the Copyblogger reminder. 

    Cheers…

    Are Morch – Hotel Blogger

    @aremorch | # | Top
  • Profile picture of
    Exemplar
    Jason Wiser said
    1 year, 2 months ago:

    @kristi-hines yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Great resource. Thanks. 

    @jasonwiser | # | Top

Add your voice to the discussion

Existing members: . If you do not have a SME account, .

 
 
 
Sign Up / via